My state of uneasy transition

I’m in a state of uneasy transition. Although I am uncommonly eager to embrace change, I am no less challenged by it than are most people. I am about to leave one job and start a new one, and to make that work, I am having to move from one home to another, thankfully only about 45 miles away from Seattle—a city I have come to love in the 2½ years I have been here.

I crossed the continent in September 2008 to take a palliative care position in Seattle—a job which ended after only 16 months.  Now I will be leaving Planned Parenthood, where I have worked part-time for the past 12 months to start a new full-time position with the palliative care team at Franciscan Health Systems.  I am thrilled to be returning to end-of-life care, which is a true calling and a bit anxious about the prospects of returning to a full-time work schedule.

Not only do I know how compelling—sometimes overwhelming and exhausting—this work is, but I am having to let go of precious time that, over the past year, I have spent on my own, quietly for the most part, reading and writing. I’ve had the delight of having some poems published over the past 6 months, and know how much hard work and time went into producing those poems.  I worry that I can’t have both—full time fulfilling work and a writing life.

Regarding the writing life, I am also in uneasy transition. Today I am trying to commit to changing my blog site from a duet of Blogspot and Open Salon to this blog while at the same time, wanting to commit to begin to blog again with more consistency. I started the blog at Blogspot in order to interact with a tight and supportive community of bloggers who focused on hospice and palliative care. I sort of crumbled when I lost the palliative care job and was rummaging about to get back on my writing feet. I started to blog at Open Salon and discovered that the community there is a highly interactive one, enjoyable in some ways, but uncomfortable to my more-or-less hermit proclivity. I also discovered that my desire to write vignettes about my work was not sustainable in that setting.

So why have I bopped on over to Word Press to start a blog here? I suppose it’s partly because so much of the community I have begun to count on this year for succor and support—the poetry loving community—is here. The truest reason, though, is that changing blogs is about changing me. I was one sort of blogger at My Space (where I first blogged in 2006) and another sort of blogger at Blogspot,  and yet another persona at Open Salon.  So here I am trying again to refurbish myself with yet another way to be-and-blog in the world.

As I have said, I both embrace change and am challenged by it. I have spent an embarrassing number of hours trying to crack the code here and trying out different screens, adding and subtracting features, and on and on.  I am not embarrassed though by the time I spent choosing my banner and background images, which are of neurons (banner) and cancer cells (background). Make what you will of that! I can’t abandon my need to view the world in its biologic forms, and I can’t deny my medical background. I don’t renounce my driven curiosity about the brain/mind and will probably always have a morbid interest in pathology.  I wouldn’t be surprised though, if I changed images from time to time, to suit my changeable focal points.

Now that I think I have managed to set up a blog here, I’m hoping to begin to blog regularly again (fingers crossed). I have found blogging to be a way to speak to myself through the lens of others. I’m hoping for a blending of my passions, and if successful, an integration of writing about the work and making art of it, simultaneously.  Uneasy bed sisters?

This entry was posted in palliative care, thoughts on working, thoughts on writing. Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to My state of uneasy transition

  1. I always look forward to your posts whichever dimension and space they occupy.

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